How to Prepare for Mass

We sometimes forget what is pretty obvious. But sometimes what is common sense, may not be common after all.

So this post is a friendly reminder just in case we come to worship routinely.

1. Plan when to attend mass. Just as we schedule events in our calendars, affixing the date and time for mass means that we indeed intend to carry out a process. It tells us how important the mass is: it is the center of Christian life.

How important is it? The Eucharist is the central reference of all sacraments, prayers, visits to the Blessed Sacrament, devotions, mortifications, even our apostolates or outreach programs. The commandment to love God is first and foremost, and our love for our neighbors flows from it.

If a center is consciously abandoned, the whole Christian life collapses. Observe this. When something is not scheduled, we consciously make that event as an aside: we go whenever it is convenient to us, or whenever we have done everything else.

2. Keep in mind why you come to mass. There are many reasons why we attend the mass. Most of the time, we have an intention to pray for. For some, it is a time to gather oneself, whether to find a time to pick up scattered pieces of our lives, or to ask pardon for the sins that broke our relationships with God and with others. Or we come to mass to thank the Lord in adoration, to join our community in worship, or to be with the Lord as a friend who accompanies us. If we are able to identify the needs to be brought to the altar of God, the mass becomes more meaningful. By preparing our thoughts and intentions, we unite with the cross of Christ with our own crosses in our lives.

3. Pray on the way to mass. It excites and focuses our hearts for what we are about to do. It is like going to a movie: on the way, we become excited to know what we are about to see. Some of us have bought tickets way before its first screening. I remember Star Wars and for some of my students, Twilight.

4. Come to mass with a spirit of prayer. The mass is the summit and peak of all Christian prayer. And thus, we must keep in mind that coming to mass means going to a sacred place to pray. Being with our family, friends or loved one is secondary to being with God. Of course, we can pray anywhere, but in the mass, we come to worship with the community of God. And thus, it would help if our attention is not distracted by our gadgets: perhaps you can play religious or meditative music on your iPod or MP3 players. Use your gadgets to help put you in the mood for the sacred.

5. Intend to participate at mass. Say to yourself: “I will consciously and actively participate at mass today.” There are mainly two factors that make the mass attractive: the music and the homily. However, many people say that the mass is boring. There are choirs who do not enliven worship. Unfortunately, many choirs distract people from praying than leading the people to God. They perform with their vocal calisthenics than serve. The best choir is the “no choir” — you don’t hear the choir because everyone is singing. The worse choir is when you hear ONLY them singing.

The greatest factor that makes a mass bland is the priest. The mass is uninteresting because there are many boring priests: those who do not give stimulating homilies and those who talk forever; there are priests who do the mass sloppily and perform the rites without passion.

This, however, is the good thing if you find yourself in a “tasteless” mass: it is not entirely hopeless. Remember what Jesus said about we being the salt of the earth? This is the time to add flavor: we can spice it up. We can contribute to make the mass better. We can respond, sing, and keep a prayerful silence when it is appropriate especially during the readings and after taking communion.

The mass is a dialogue. Simple: would you like to date someone who doesn’t say anything? That would be a nightmare. A congregation that is not alive, affects everyone else. To behave at mass does not mean that we have to be like the statues of the saints. To behave well today means to participate. Honestly, I get to be excited by people who are alive; but my energies are down if the congregation are unresponsive. I tend to prepare my homilies because the people respond to what I say: negative or not. We affect everyone around us.

There is one good reason why we have to respond by answering, singing and keeping a prayerful composure. When we were baptized we share the common priesthood of Christ. At mass we practice the common priesthood together with the ordained. Thus, the mass is not the sole “show” of the priest, it is OUR mass. We practice our common priesthood when we participate.

And perhaps, when we do, the boring priest and the incompetent choir will be put to shame.

And we will have a meaningful worship.

The Dad I Love

I was barely a year-old novice when dad passed away. My last memory of him was at the gate of the novitiate in 1989, holding tightly my grandmother who cried as I began a life apart from them, but always with them.

He never liked Manila. He said that he would like to die in our town; near his beloved farm where he planted cacao between the lines of coconut trees. As an agriculturist, he taught me that the technique was called, inter-cropping; but what mattered to me was what he said when he brought me to those cacao groves, “I planted these when you were born. So that you will taste the best tsokolate for breakfast.” And so I grew up with homemade chocolate and I was part of the process of making the tablea. Once the pods were ripe, he would ask me to enjoy the sweet pulp. I would then spit out the seeds which he would dry under the scorching sun. He would then roast them on a wok. The dark brown seeds were placed in my grandmother’s antique stone grinder, which I suspected to have serviced even my dad’s family. My mom would add sugar to the rich chocolate and form them into balls. These balls were dissolved in a batirol and the dark liquid made my breakfast more than just memorable. It became part of my identity: no breakfast was as enjoyable as chocolate on sticky rice cooked in coconut milk (my mom still serves this every time I am home).

He said that he never liked the city. But his love for me was greater than any aversion. I didn’t know why because he studied agriculture in Araneta University in Manila. Perhaps, the slower pace of life in Bicol suited him well. Nevertheless, he vowed to send me off to where he believed I would be happier; he said that following my heart would lead me to my place under the sun. That was a little strange for me, because he never liked me entering the priesthood. He was not pious and religious. He would rather have his children closely around him. He was not particularly fond of goodbyes and physical separation. I was the eldest, and becoming a priest means supporting my family would now be the least of my concern.

I was in third year college when my dad finally came to terms with the direction my life was taking. I remembered sleeping beside him, with his arms around me; nothing was said. But I took it as a sign that it was fine to pursue my heart’s desire. Minutes before he passed away, my mom said that at his deathbed, my dad said that I should not worry about my family. God took care of them when I was away as a prenovice in Cagayan de Oro City, so He would also take care of us in the future.

My dad thought me a very valuable tenet in life: the poorer a person is, the greater care I should give to them. He taught me not to be intimidated by authority, but respect the one who serves people well. It is one thing I still struggle to do. I didn’t know if this is a good thing: the Church I love is very hierarchical; some church leaders would coax respect from their titles, than earning respect from what one does for others. Some feel greater because of the various titles they get from rigorous studies. I thrive with people who sees everyone as friends, regardless of educational attainment, career positions, family or political affiliations. I respect manang who sells newspapers for her children, than the president of the country who is corrupt. I respect the old who respects the young; but reacts to the old who disregards the young.

Why? Because that was dad to our family. He was father, but we didn’t fear his authority. When we were reprimanded we were admonished with a clear personal concern. He was a friend because he was not emotionally distant. My sisters would tell him their crushes, and he would wait for me when I returned home drunk, as high schoolers usually did. He never said anything about it, except that he told me what to do to become sober. When I went home after first year college, he instructed my mom to fill the refrigerator with beer. He told me to invite my friends over because it would be safer than having me somewhere else. He built a little barbecue grill for our pulutan. That was when I knew he granted me officially full responsibility. He gave me the stability I needed when I was at the stage of experimentation and adolescent crises. He taught me that my identity rested on the ones who love me and whom I love constantly and devotedly. In prayer, this was the source of my confidence: God loved and continues to love me; and so I am valuable.

There was one thing I regretted: I was not able to spend much time with him. I left in 1985 for Mindanao, so I had around 5 years without him. I remembered one Christmas in 1988. Our plane was redirected to Manila because of a storm in Legazpi City. I wouldn’t be able to return in time for his birthday on the 23rd of December. My mom said that my dad wept because he was excited to see me. I actually took the bus and made it to his birthday. When I arrived, he embraced me tightly, like it was the last time he was going to see me. I didn’t remember what we actually prepared for his birthday, but the warmth of his embrace was what lingered forever.

There are many things I still remember about my dad. Every member of my family will have many details to add. But a blog article is not enough to put in who and what he is to me. Who I am today is due to my fond memories of him.

But wait: I write as if that was the past. Yes it was, but dad’s life continues until today. Every time I find myself in a very difficult situation, I call on him the way I used to when he was alive. And every time I survive a situation I feel his presence wherever I am.

In the middle of great emotional turmoils, I usually would shout out his name. And I don’t feel stupid. It is one of those moments that I don’t feel weird.

Maybe, on Father’s Day, that is what I will do. My dad is my dad not just when I feel my life is going down the drain; but even in the most ordinary day of my life. It is true when we say, I love you forever. Death cannot defeat love.

Some dads leave a legacy like a track record; he left me good memories enough not to lose hope and more than sufficient to weather any storm.

On Father’s Day, I will drink chocolate in honor of my dad. Even if the doctor will condemn me for doing so.*

*I am diabetic.
**My parents wedding picture always has a place in my workspace. They share it with Mary and the image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus carved by Jose Rizal.

*** My dad’s name is Jesse. My mom is Luz. Jesse – l, my name is taken from a combination of their names and as a combination of Iesu and Elohim (a remark by our Franciscan parish priest when I was serving the Parish of St. John the Baptist in Camalig, Albay as a church musician.)

Father’s Day: 20 June 2010.

So, the churros con tsokolate: to honor my dad.

How In Love Are You?

They say that the month of June has the longest list of marriages in history. The belief that the lady who gets hitched remains a bride forever, made the sixth month of the year the most popular to hold D-day.

Before taking the road to the altar, every person undergoes a self-analysis. Is this the person I should marry? Am I sure? How certain am I?

The fact is: no one can predict the future. We are sure of the present; we judge according to the best of our knowledge at the moment. Hannah Arendt in her book, The Human Condition, said that our uncertain future makes our lives chaotic. Thus, to preserve life from chaos, we promise each other to be there no matter what happens.

But to give our word to another is not to be taken lightly. Our decision today will affect largely our future; just as our present state is a result of many of our decisions and indecisions in the past.

The following questions are aids to discernment for people who are or who think that they are in love. This is not just for those who are taking the big plunge. The questions here I found from an old article given in our class in Pastoral Counseling; thus they are not meant to “undermine” the confidence of those who are certain. Note that in the stapled handout, titled “Am I In Love: A Self-Analysis Test” the author is not printed, so let’s say a prayer for whoever wrote it. (If you know who, please leave a comment, so I can acknowledge. Thank you.)

Let me first say this: this is not a check-list, though the article says that it is a self-analysis test. I have a reason: A “yes” may mean different things to different folks, as well as a “no” may have various reasons for individuals. These are not tests, like the ones you find in popular magazines. They are points for reflection. Not meant to be answered in one sitting. You can reflect on one each day.

St. Ignatius of Loyola said that we use them only if it leads to God’s glory. Thus, if the questions don’t apply to you, I have no qualms if you close your computer’s window and forget about them.

1. Do you love the individual as a person or do you like merely your feeling about him or her? Are you in love with a personality or “in love with love?” Some people may be the focal point of all the rising emotions that spring from a certain psychological stage we are in. For example, adolescence or our teenage years.
2. Are you attracted to the individual for what he or she is, or for what you read into him or her? Have you idealized the person to the point of blindness, so that you pick out those traits that seem to fit your picture of an ideal partner and close your eyes to others? Is the person a reflection of you?
3. Does the person “wear well” with your friends? Your friends may see some things they don’t like, or they may be more objective with your beloved’s shortcomings.
4. Are you attracted to the person for what he or she is or what he or she can give you? For example, I love the person because he/she makes me happy. How about some moments when the person makes you angry?
5. Over what matters and how frequently do you have conflicts? Are your conflicts open or suppressed? Is it superficial, trivial or fundamental?
6. Are you willing to make concessions or do you always expect the other person to do the pleasing, agreeing, and adjusting?
7. Are you sufficient stimulus for each other when together, or do you require external stimuli, such as movies, a date, a group of persons to prevent boredom? To what degree is your stimulus for each other limited to physical appeal?
8. How readily and how frequently do you publicize what ought to be private? Calling attention to the other person’s weaknesses, recounting embarrassing experiences, disclosing confidential information may indicate disregard of the feelings of the other party especially in the age of social networks and TV programs with the tenet “you have to tell everything to your friends!”
9. Do you willingly permit the person to date when you are separated for an extended period? What is the reason for your answer, and what does it mean with regard to your relationship with the other person?
10. Do you forgive, tolerate, accept, overlook, or resent faults and shortcomings? Do you love the individual’s faults and all, warts and all, or are you holding yourself in check pending reform?
11. Have you seen the individual in enough different types of situations and observe enough different facets of personality to tell that you are in love? A lion is different in a zoo and in its natural environment. What the person tells you about his family is different from seeing the person with his family.
12. How much do you think of the individual’s welfare and happiness?
13. Do you have a desire to escape an unhappy home, school, or work situation? Such desire to escape often “makes the grass on the other side of the fence look greener.” Marriage can look like a way out.
14. What are your reactions to these questions? Do you find it difficult to be honest with yourself? Did you rationalize your answers? Or some would dismiss these questions because love is beyond everything. Did the questions put you on a defensive and made you insecure?

Hope these questions help us in our self-analysis.